Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
