dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
