Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
