Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize