he wants to bone in the snuggie
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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