happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize