Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
