i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
