The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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