i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I want to have your abortion
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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