in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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