thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
