My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The best revenge is premature balding
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize