yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
