I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
