You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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