He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
