and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize