I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
