just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
