I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
