a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
