loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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