It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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