What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
