Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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