Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
