his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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