nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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