I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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