she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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