I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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