fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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