I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
