Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
