i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
