these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize