We won't sleep together?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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