So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
