i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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