Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
