cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
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