I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize