sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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