I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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