shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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