so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
