yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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