My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
