And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
