wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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