I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
