ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
