i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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