i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
