i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
