Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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