is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
