I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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