i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
