I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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