Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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