Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
