There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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