did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
