Michael Bay diarrhea
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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