Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
