he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
