Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
