The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
That's intense
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
