Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
