i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
