"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
