she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
